I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND SAW YOUR REFLECTION.

It's befitting for me to say that I've always felt inadequate, that I've held back lots of hopes, dreams and desires out of fear. Fear of what others might think or say and fear that had no explanation or further substantiation because I was scared to be scared. Lol....sad at the nicest but altogether utterly pathetic. See I've had so much negativity fed into me throughout my life that my mind was conditioned to believe every fallacy that I heard, directly said to me or indirectly overheard while others shot me dirty looks and talked about me "openly".  I looked at myself really hard and in depth last night and all today and I realized what a mess I've made of my life. I dare not blame others, not at this point anyway.Truth be told I've never seen myself as good enough for anything, constantly comparing myself to others.I often find one great thing about myself and become happy about it....till someone shoots the air right out of that piece of hope with somethng disparaging. I've always been the girl overlooked, who never felt pretty, the odd ball, the unacknowledged overachiever. Was told you have a pretty face but,....why couldn't I just be pretty?  You're very smart but,....how can anything overcast my intelligence? You're really sweet but,....this is getting ANNOYING!!!!!  It has taken me countless years of counseling, prayer and will power to be able to look at myself and see one whole person, beautiful in every way, uncompartmentalized, unique and perfect! I've finally been able to see myself without beer goggle vision. God showed me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I am his handiwork that he crafted from the clay of the earth. He formed me so special and unique that there could never be a duplicate. He brought me to understand that he does everything well and not only well but perfectly!!!! He then took my eyes and wiped away the scales and said, "my beautiful daughter this is who you are to me, how much you mean to me, I made you perfect in EVERY WAY, NOT LACKING ANYTHING!!!! As I saw myself for the first time I cried and cried. I called myself beautiful, every gift and talent I had was beautiful. I smiled bigger, laughed louder....my light shined brighter....Thank You God!!!!!! I felt the need to share my thoughts today because I know that there are many who like me suffer day to day in silence, smiling on the outside to mask their pain.  Who let their insecurities hold them back from life...what's life without really LIVING?! I would love for you to begin to look at yourself and ask God to show you the beautiful gem he sees!  It is my desire for you to be freed from every negative thought, word and insinuation.  So my prayer for the both of us is simply, Father allow your joy to be restored unto us this day.  Help us find our purpose in you.  Let us look through eyes of restored, perfect vision that only you can give and see ourselves as we are in you God, but not only that but as we shall be! Help us to loose low self esteem, diminished self worth, hatred of self, self defamation, bondage of the past, hurtful thoughts, words and ideas sent out directly from the adversary meant to tear us down and bind to us your peace, love, fullness of joy, knowledge of self through you, a purpose filled life abounding with prosperity and favor.  Let us not be entangled again with the yoke of bondage, our carnal thinking, but let us walk in the newness and the freedom that you've given to us right now. We are whole, beautiful, loved, perfect in every way because we were created in your image and likeness God and for that we say thank you!  In the precious name of Jesus I pray, Amen!  I encourage you from this day forward to let nothing stop you from doing anything you've ever wanted to do, going where you've wanted to go, achieving what you wish in your heart!  You are smart enough, beautiful enough, creative enough, strong enough, wise enough and good enough to do it! You want to know what else? You do you better than anyone else can so get it boo!!!! Dust off your ashes and put on your beauty, stop mourning and let the oil of joy flow, bind to you the garment of praise and let that heavy burdened failing spirit be loosed!  It's a BRAND NEW DAY!!!!

WHEN THINGS FALL APART

This is my first blog....never really put much thought into blogging before....but here goes...breaking my blogging cherry.  LOL. Sharp, tight and to the point, things in life happen.  Sometimes they happen and you're happy about the results you glean and then other times life happens and it leaves you devastated....capital "D" flat lined at the other "d_______________" but guess what?  It's NOT THAT BAD, the end is not near!  I'm a firm believer in life lessons.  I try to walk away from events and occurrences in my life with a greater understanding of what happened, why it happened, how to prevent it again or how to achieve similar results.  The most important thing I want to walk away with is how can I use this situation to grow as a person....did I listen to what God was telling me here....what am I supposed to say to others?  Yesterday I had something happen that was devastating to me and the other party involved...the whole time I heard God's voice telling me to be calm and watch.  Everything he'd been showing me for months that I was too stubborn to see, was warned about but wasn't heeding to, stood there staring me in the face.  I then remembered something that often times we forget, God hasn't forsaken us (me)! God sees our way, knows we are on the wrong path, will allow us to go through certain things because of our ignorance and/or disobedience and will come to our rescue and deliver us from that situation when we call out to him. He'll say, "Hey, I know that you did a silly thing there but let me help you not do that again. Don't focus on what you did wrong, let's focus on what you can now do right. There's a purpose behind it all" I have fully come to an understanding of Romans 8:28 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁸ We are assured and know that [^[a]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.  I now count every mishap, trial and misadventure as joy!  Knowing that through my circumstance my faith is being perfected, my hearing and understanding of God's voice is keened and most importantly I'm equipped with the tools to move forward confidently, never looking back at the past as a mistake.  I'm getting to a point where I'm content...content in knowing that when things fall apart it's only happening for bigger, better things to fall together!!!